Podcast: Dr. Carol Interviews Parenting Expert Sandy McDaniel

Master storyteller hosts “Parenting SOS”

Sandy McDaniel is a master story teller who, for 20 years, has taught parenting internationally. Spontaneous humor and warmth are wrapped around her ability to solve everyday parenting and personal power problems. She offers a host of products and workshops. Her “Parenting SOS” website offers podcasts, a newsletter, and lessons to help you become “the parent you want to be.”

Dr. Carol was pleased to interview Sandy recently about her current projects and her thoughts on parenting and generational happiness.

[audio:https://www.doctorcarol.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/01-Sandy-McDaniels.mp3|titles=01 – Sandy McDaniels]

Sandy is fun, isn’t she? How would you like to start implementing her program?

Podcast: Creating A Couple Vision Statement

Learn to understand what you both want

StayHappilyMarried.com interviewed Doctor Carol, saying, “Do you sometimes feel like you and your partner aren’t working toward the same goals in your relationship? Does it seem like you’re just not on the same page with each other? Dr. Carol Ummel Lindquist, a licensed Clinical Psychologist in Laguna Beach, California, joins us to discuss how creating a ‘Couple Vision Statement’ can help you and your partner understand what you both want and bring you closer together.”

[audio:https://www.doctorcarol.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/130-Creating-a-Couple-Vision-Stateme.mp3|titles=Creating a Couple Vision Statement]

What dreams do you and your partner share that you have discussed and/or written down?

Review: Rich Dad’s Conspiracy of the Rich

By Robert T. Kiyosaki
Clearest, Simplest Explanation of Money and Finance for the Lay Person I Have Ever Seen

Rich Dad's Conspiracy of the Rich: The 8 New Rules of MoneyI have read a lot of Robert Kiyosaki’s books and this one, in particular, does a great job of consolidating, condensing and covering much of his familiar material and relating it directly to the present economic situation. In fact, I would say his presentation of money and finance for the lay person is the simplest one I have ever seen. And his understanding and explanation of basic financial rules is excellent.

As a clinical psychologist, I find that this book—or any of Kiyosaki’s books—is very valuable for couples where one person really doesn’t understand investing or saving and another comes from a family where there is a lot of investment and saving and understands it well. Kiyosaki summarizes the tax system and tax consequences of different kinds of working situations. This information is also covered in previous books, but here again, the author has managed to present it in the clearest and simplest of terms.

Many couples continue to struggle with different financial philosophies without an awareness of the big picture. So it is very important for families to learn what he is talking about and to understand and consciously select which one of Kiyosaki’s four styles of approaching income and wealth that best suits them.

He wrote the book online and it includes comments from readers, giving it a very interactive quality. To be perfectly honest, most editors would probably cringe at his writing style. He is very repetitive in the way a good teacher is very repetitive. Some people find that frustrating. But if the contents are new to you, you will find the repetition helpful to give you a deeper level of clarity on the first reading. In other words, the redundancy may be irritating or annoying for anyone who likes well-written books. On the other hand, the way this author brings complex material to the average person with crystal clarity is amazing! To purchase the book, click on book cover at top left, or on this link: Rich Dad’s Conspiracy of the Rich: The 8 New Rules of Money

Review: Positive Discipline

I can assure you — Jane Nelsen is the Real Deal
By Jane Nelsen
Positive DisciplineIn my practice as a clinical psychologist, I’ve been recommending Jane Nelsen’s book for 20 years now and I can assure you – she’s the real deal.

Nelsen teaches parents how to use good discipline that teaches kids and helps them grow – it’s not just punishment. She espouses discipline that teaches. Using her techniques, the child is constantly learning and growing. Her key to discipline is that it is based on mutual respect – not punishment.

By creating mutual respect, your kids want to hear your opinion and advice. They are curious about it. Nelsen also focuses on how to let kids have control over some of their decisions and letting them experience consequences.

Positive Discipline is the main book that outlines the key principle. Other books in the series, such as Positive Discipline for Teen Agers and Positive Discipline for Toddlers, are extremely on point about the practical day-to-day dealings that you have with the child at the age that each particular book focuses on.

Her books keep getting updated and republished because they are practical and very loving. I just can’t recommend Jane Nelsen highly enough … and the whole series.  Click here or on Book Cover to order Positive Discipline

Review: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

This is a book that really helps people to change the way they approach their kids.
By Elaine Mazlish
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will TalkThis book is a classic, a real gem. I first discovered Elaine Mazlish when my sons were three and four. My mother-in-law, who raised five sons herself, used to watch my kids once a week when they were small. We both read it and loved it. And then we would both re-read it whenever we started drifting off course and going back to our old bad habits.

I gave my sister a copy. She posted the reminder cartoons (great cartoons, by the way) and chapter summaries on her bathroom mirror. Her friends kept taking the copies so she had to keep re-copying the summaries!

Twenty years later, I still give the book away regularly to my clients. It’s a book that really helps people to change the way they approach their kids. I have used it with people who were child abuse survivors and as a result have had no parenting models. They all love it, too because it really helps them change.

Twenty years later, the one thing most people say about my two sons—who are very different in almost every way—is how polite and respectful they are to people. My mother-in-law and I attribute it to this book.

Early on, I discovered that Elaine Mazlish’s book works on husbands, too! My husband is a better listener as a result of the techniques that I learned from this book. With enduring value and no updates needed, this book is a classic. It is part of a series, by the way, and each book in the series is just as wonderful as this one!

Review: The Sex-Starved Wife

Many women have a higher sex drive than their husbands and this book provides great therapy for those facing this situation.

By Michele Weiner Davis

For certain clients this book is a lifesaver. Many women—some say up to one third—have a higher sex drive than their husbands and are very uncomfortable talking to other people about this. It doesn’t rise to the level of something you go to therapy about; plus you worry that it will embarrass your husband.

The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He's Lost DesireReading about the subject and especially other people’s stories and all the things that can cause this—both psychologically and physically—provides great therapy for those facing this situation.

Michele Weiner Davis really knows her stuff and she writes about it in a very approachable way. I highly recommend this book and all her books. I think Michele’s work is especially valuable because she gets you to think about your part in the situation. She doesn’t make it just about the husband. Click here or on book cover to order.

Review: How Much is Enough?

How Much Is Enough?: Everything You Need to Know to Steer Clear of Overindulgence and Raise Likeable, Responsible and Respectful Ch

Everything You Need to Know to Steer Clear of Overindulgence and Raise Likeable, Responsible and Respectful Children

By Jean Illsley Clarke, Ph.D.

I’m a clinical psychologist and I love this book. I give it to lots of people and they love this book.   Click here or on book cover to order.

I live in a very wealthy community and frequently see what happens when parents over-indulge their children. Many times these kids grow up and can’t finish college; or even worse, they get involved with drugs. They are totally un-motivated and quite often unable to focus on a job

What I particularly like about How Much is Enough? is that it gives information not just on how to avoid financially indulging your children, but also on how to emotionally indulge your children.  Often the problem is two-sided. It’s not that the child has been given too many things; it’s also that they have way too much freedom or no rules at all. The author has made it easy for the reader to focus in on the particular issues that they find challenging.

The examples are compelling and easy to understand. Aunts, uncles and grandparents can learn a lot from this book, too.  The sooner you “get it” about what is happening in the lives of your children and grandchildren, the better off you are. The author also gives you insight into your own issues, where perhaps you were over- or under-indulged, and how you carry that over to your children.

Because I was so interested in the subject, I did not find this book difficult to read—nor did any of my clients.  I would perhaps rename it something short, like: Real Help for Parents. I’d give it five stars!

Review: Happy for No Reason

Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out
By Marci Shimoff

Recent research indicates that less than 30 percent of people report being deeply happy. Twenty-five percent of Americans and 27 percent of Europeans claim they are depressed. The World Health Organization predicts that by 2020 depression will be second only to heart disease in terms of the global burden of illness. There is a questionnaire in Happy For No Reason, by the way, so that you can see where you stand on the happiness scale.

Given these above-mentioned statistics and as a clinical psychologist, I fell in love with the title of this book instantly, but expected it might be just fluff. I have read many of the well-regarded books on positive psychology like Authentic Happiness and Learned Optimism. While they are lovely books, they pretty much exceed the patience of many clients seeking happiness.

I was delighted that Marci covered material from many of the scientific studies detailed in academic positive psychology without taking people through the more tedious details. Yet for those who like going deeper, she provides many resources. She emphasized some health and physical techniques and Kaizen or baby steps that are so critical for someone who is depressed. I like the way she mixes material from the highest-level research with Eastern techniques. She clearly loves her subject and has explored its many facets.

This book could be called the 21 steps to Happiness for No Reason because each step has three sub items. The structure is a little bit formulaic, but very well organized. The stories about real people help connect the reader and emphasize the points. I have recommended it to clients who have downloaded the guide and then used it between sessions. This book is not a cure for depression, nor does it pretend to be, but it covers all the bases if you want to raise your happiness set point and be happy for no reason—and that’s a good feeling.

Review: Hold Me Tight

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of LoveSeven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
By Sue Johnson
I recommend Hold Me Tight to my therapy clients constantly. My clients say repeatedly, “Our fights are in this book on page….” I have read literally dozens of popular couple and family books over 30 years and this is the best at addressing feelings of closeness, connection and chronic repetitive fights or deadening and withdrawal in the relationship.

Readers connect to the book. Resolving the issues of feeling connected, your partner having your back, feeling alive in your partner’s mind frees a couple to communicate and resolve long-standing issues quickly. Johnson also works with Gay and Lesbian couples, and this book seems to talk to their experience as well.

Often couples fight when they don’t feel their relationship is solid. This book really speaks to clients and is the best explanation of the complicated “attachment issues.” This book brings that concept to life and makes it clear. By illuminating how to go through the seven core conversations, she helps couples move to a happier, more intimate relationship. She debunks the myth that relationships have to grow stale. She is happily married herself and she knows how wonderful a strong connection can be. A few clients find the book challenging to read but still feel that it is explaining something important to them.

I am very familiar with Sue Johnson’s work. She is by far the best clinician writing about and researching marital therapy. Amazingly, her method resolves even very difficult cases in about 12 longish sessions. John Gottman calls her the world’s best marital therapist.

I have watched her do therapy many times on video at workshops and advanced trainings. She is magic, but so far her books have been aimed at professionals and were too complex for even many professionals to understand, let alone clients. This one works!

Review: The Dance of Connection

The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or DesperateHow to Talk to Someone When You’re Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed or Desperate
By Harriet Lerner, Ph.D

This is a wonderful book that focuses on the healing effect of finding your own unique voice and speaking your own unique truth.  Dr. Lerner helps you find this “authentic voice” and shows with example after example how it can help to heal marriages, families or friendships.

Dr. Lerner shows the benefits of being thoughtful and considerate of what you are saying before you blurt out something you don’t really mean. You are not necessarily speaking your own truth if you say the first thing that comes into your mind, she cautions. Her book is aimed at the relationships and connections between men and women and shows how to maximize the chances of getting a meaningful response based on how the other person responds.
This book offers very good examples of how to re-connect, even when there have been really horrific cut offs of not days but years, or when a family has a history of cut offs.
I have often recommended Harriet Lerner’s books in the past and will certainly recommend this one.  Readers who liked her other books will love his one. I did.